The holidays are coming.
Shall we talk about traditions?
Because the Pandora's box around the holiday "traditions" has opened for a lot of clients.
Do you struggle with "holiday traditions" as well?
Maybe the ones that you created that someone else isn't adhering to...
...or ones that were created by someone else that you feel obligated to do?
This is a tricky space for so many people because it involves needing one person to do a certain thing or behave a certain way in order for the other person to feel a certain way.
With my clients, I call these Manuals.
A Manual is the set of instructions you have for someone on what you want them to do or say, or how you'd like them to behave, in order for you to feel a certain way (happy, content, good, satisfied, etc).
Manuals come from a belief that you think you can only feel happier / better if someone in your life would do the thing(s) you want them to do.
If the other person would just do the thing you think they should do, or act the way you think they should act or believe what you believe, you would be happier.
Our manuals for others can read like a novel!
Pages upon pages.
Manuals put your emotional life into the hands of someone else.
And when you do this, you give all your power away, waiting for them to change so you can feel better.
No matter what someone does or doesn't do; says or doesn't say ==> you do not have to give over that much power to anyone to determine how you will feel.
There's so much more we can explore here, but the best thing I can offer you around this for the upcoming holiday season is to notice and name a Manual you have for someone in your life regarding the holidays (i.e. gifts, hosting, attending a party or service, etc).
Name the person you want to follow your set of expectations and what your "instructions/expectations" are for them.
Why do you want them to do this? How will you feel if they don't?
Can you see that it's not the person who's making you feel a certain way but your manual/your thinking about what you expect from them that's causing you to feel a certain way?
Is it possible for you to release the "instructions" you have for this person? Why or why not?
Conversely, are you worried you'll upset someone with the decision you make about the holiday (not going to the party or not doing gifts the way you've always done)?
Can allow them to feel what they feel about your decision without taking those feelings on as your own?
When you can release the Manual you have for them (and the one they have for you), you no longer outsource your emotions.
And when you do this, you can release needing control over this person or the situation.
There's so much freedom in this.
And when you release the instructions you have for this person, you actually might be more able to listen to them better, be open to learning about what's going on for them, and see them (and the situation) through a different lens than the one currently clouded by your instructions for them.
That's my "upcoming holiday" weekend wish for you.
