"What was I thinking?"
My client asked this question after doing something she didn't want to do.
She wasn't asking out of inquisitive curiosity.
But from a judgmental demeaning tone. The harsh critic.
Knowing this, you can probably imagine what that sounded like.
Maybe you do this sometimes too.
The interesting part was that she wasn't really asking the question.
Meaning... she wasn't actually looking to answer question.
It was more of a default response loaded with regret and shame.
The interesting thing though, is that it's a good question...
... just not when asked in a demeaning, harsh tone but with an energy of true curiosity.
So I had her stop for a moment and from a place of kind curiosity, ask the question...
"What were you thinking?"
Guess what.
It provided some really valuable feedback for her.
It helped give insight into why she did what she did.
It opened the doorway to a breakthrough for her.
I wanted to write about this today because I am meeting with a lot of women who are very critical of themselves.
Their tone is harsh, judgmental, hurtful, demeaning, unkind, and negative towards themselves.
This can be verbally or just the unspoken words streaming in their mind.
And it never leads to any kind of resolution.
When we use this tone to "snap us back" to eating healthier or to lose the weight or to get stuff done or to "be better"...
...does that really work?
It does not. It may for a moment or a season...
...but not long term.
This kind of mindset leads to sabotage and a life at odds with ourselves.
And the interesting thing is, you might be asking a really good question.
But you can't hear (or answer) the question because it's overshadowed by such disdain and judgment.
So if you resonate with this, here's what's I'm suggesting....
Listen to yourself...
How you speak to yourself.
How you speak to others.
How you talk about your day.
Simply, listen to your tone.
Then...
...Soften it.
...Add kindness to it.
...Neutralize it, even.
...Perhaps add lightness to it. Not sarcasm.
Where can you soften your tone where judgement and shame overshadow?
And notice what shifts for you when you do.
That’s my weekend wish for you.
