A client recently told me how she wants things to change in her life (workout consistently, stop overeating, feel less overwhelmed) but watching Gilmore Girls and eating chips on the couch feels better than working on these things. It feels more comforting, she said.
I totally get it.
I spent a weekend binge-watching Inventing Anna on Netflix a few weeks ago.
It actually felt great.
My client went on to say, "It feels better...it feels more comforting...until it doesn't."
It provides relief and comfort in the moment.
But collectively over years of doing this in her life? Not so much.
When we make decisions based on what would feel better, feel more comfortable in the moment, it's unlikely we'll achieve the goals we have for ourselves, whether they are weight loss goals, emotional eating goals, time management goals, organizational goals, workout goals, or goals to overcome overwhelm or repair a relationship.
Eating potato chips on the couch after work in the moment can feel more comforting than going for a walk.
Staying up late watching Netflix might feel better in the moment than getting to bed at 10pm.
Driving through McDonalds on the way home feels easier than coming home to stand in the kitchen for 30 minutes cooking dinner and cleaning it up.
Having a glass of wine or two at night feels better than a glass of water or herbal tea.
Eating a bowl of ice cream feels better than eating nothing.
Spending money feels better than managing it.
...until it doesn't.
When you make a decision to do what feels best in the moment, what decision do you generally make and what has been the compounding effect on your life?
Without realizing it, many of us make it an emotional goal to feel "good" all the time.
So when something happens that doesn't feel good, we run for the thing (food, activity) that feels better...in the moment.
This is a normal human tendency.
And yet somehow, it doesn't solve for feeling better overall, long term, does it?
We find we're stuck in the same patterns, feeling the same way, doing the same things.
What if you didn't make it your goal to feel "better" in the moment all the time?
Could you have an urge to consume that glass or two of wine, the pint of ice cream, the hours of social media or Netflix without actually doing them and know the urge will eventually pass... it just might not feel good while you wait it out?
Could you drive past McDonalds or the gas station (without stopping) on your way home even when those greasy fries and cold fizzy soda sound like the best way to spend your time in that moment?
Could you put on the shoes to go for a walk even if it doesn't feel as good in the moment as laying on the couch would?
Fact: When I write these blog posts for you, 9 times out of 10, I want to get up in the middle of writing it and walk away.
I start to feel uncomfortable with finishing it up, it may be that I can't quite articulate the words I want to say or getting up and walking to the kitchen, checking my texts, or walking around mindlessly just feels easier than doing the harder thing of writing...
BUT then...
There's that feeling of pushing "send."
There's that feeling after walking for an hour, even though I didn't want to start.
There's that feeling of waking up more refreshed from a full night's rest instead of staying up late watching Netflix.
There's that feeling of waking up far less dehydrated and headache-y, because I didn't have the alcohol after dinner.
There's that feeling of relief having my fridge full of groceries for the week even when I didn't want to go grocery shopping in the first place.
There's that feeling of strength after doing a stair workout 3x/week for 30 days versus letting the "I don't feel like it." win the moment.
There's that feeling of eating a home-cooked meal versus snacking my way through dinner.
There's that feeling of my joints feeling far less painful and inflamed because I didn't eat the sugar the day before.
When you make small movements in the direction of how you truly want to live...
...this builds evidence for a new empowered feeling...
...and a wiser, more grounded long-term perspective instead of being pulled by our moment to moment feelings (which change moment by moment!).
Here's a classic example re: Grocery shopping:
When it comes time to do it, you might find yourself saying...
"I don't feel like grocery shopping right now."
Questions to ask yourself:
"How will I feel if I don't grocery shop right now and will need to go tomorrow? How will it feel in 2 days at 5pm when I come home from work without a plan?"
and also...
"How will I feel in an hour when I come home with groceries and a meal plan for the week ahead?"
"How will I feel in 2 days at 5pm when I come home from work and this is done? Is the feeling of having it done in an hour better than waiting a day or two or three?"
Having a long range goal and perspective in mind when making "in the moment" decisions can help guide new questions and form new habits until they become easier and ultimately help you feel better overall.
Begin to build evidence for how good it feels to actually show up for the version of you you actually desire to be...even when it doesn't feel good in the moment.
If you would like support around this, I can help you… Click HERE to get started.
