Yesterday, my husband, Ryan, and I sat down for a 15-minute breakfast together after the kids went off to school.
A delicious breakfast saute using all the August garden goodness; kale, onions, garlic, zucchini, tomatoes, and eggs paired with King coffee dolled up with collagen, coconut oil, sea salt, and almond milk.
I also made him and the boys Shady Side Farm Einkorn pancakes this morning with Crane's Orchard peaches and Pleasant Hill Farm maple syrup and blueberries.
I wrapped up the morning with 30 minutes of journaling and reading.
It was a delicious way to begin the day.
I share these details because life is in the details.
...a quiet moment chatting about the day ahead
...making a connection with my hubby before we both head to work
...savoring a meal
...these are the details I want to remember.
Because...
Also present were the details about the state of our home.
For starters, there was barely any room on our long rectangular dining table for us to sit and eat breakfast.
We shared the table with 61 pounds of peaches picked last weekend and still sitting there as we slowly make our way through eating and freezing them.
Plus, back-to-school clothing and packaging to be returned...
Plus, water bottles, sweatshirts, papers, a Rubik's cube, playing cards, books...
Plus, a wide assortment of papers and bills, lip balm, markers, and who knows what else.
I looked at the floor and noticed a hefty accumulation of our shedding dog's white fur piling up under the table, under the stairs, around the chair legs, on the rug.
There are splatters and grease marks on the counters, stove top, hood vent, and cabinets.
Plus, dishes in the sink, pans on the stove, dirty dish towels on the floor to be thrown in the laundry.
Truth be told, I would say it's a bit next-level disarray.
Have you ever experienced a home in disarray?
Definition of disarray ==> the state of being confused and having no order, or of being untidy.
My home is confused... I don't understand... what is going on??!!
Well, I'll tell you...
We've closed the chapter on lazy summer days and we're in the transition to...
...a 6:30am alarm
...walking out the door at 7:10am
...soccer and tennis and a late-night match that had us walking in the door at 10:15pm this week.
...lots of mental planning and logistics with rides and carpools etc.
...and many other things that are occupying our attention.
Maybe you are experiencing this too (or have before).
Or maybe this is everyday for you.
In many ways, managing this, happens everyday for me.
Years ago, this level of disarray would lead me down a path of tension and stress and overwhelm.
But more notably, it would lead to so much judgement about myself.
...judgement as a woman, as a mom, as a wife.
And this judgement would keep me from enjoying moments like the ones I enjoyed this morning.
Like many women, I've accumulated so many messages and expectations about what it means to be a "good" wife and mom and woman of the home.
However, in recent years, I've challenged many of these messages and expectations.
Are they my beliefs and expectations or someone else's?
Do I want to keep believing this, having this expectation for myself or not?
As I was walking around my home yesterday morning noticing that it needs a very good scrubbing...
I realized that my level of judgement about myself and about my home have changed significantly over time.
I want to share how because if this is you...
...if you pile judgement and shame and guilt on yourself...
...about how your home needs to look a certain way for you to be okay with yourself...
...I'm here to invite you to let it go.
Here's what's shifted for me:
The piles...
The boxes of peaches...
The laundry...
The dishes in the sink...
The dog hair on the floor...
All of it...
The fact is... those are all just circumstances.
There are boxes on the floor.
There is a load (or 4) of laundry to fold.
There are pans on the stove.
There is dog hair on the floor.
There are bowls and plates and utensils in the sink.
There are packages on the table to be returned.
AND...
==>> It's what I do with those that makes all the difference.
==>> It's the stories I spin about situation.
==>> It's the meaning I give it... or myself.
I'm such a bad wife/mom.
My house is a mess. I'm supposed to keep it perfectly clean.
I'm so behind. I have to work harder to catch up.
I can't get my shizzle together.
My husband (or mother-in-law, or mom) is going to judge me if this isn't cleaned up.
I'd be mortified if someone would stop in. What will they think of me if they saw this?
In all of these examples, you are connecting who you are as a person to how you interpret the state of your home.
If it's clean. I'm a good wife. I'm ok.
If it's a mess. I'm a bad wife. I'm not enough.
If it's clean. I have my shizzle together. I feel in control of my life.
If it's a mess. I don't have my shizzle together. I don't have control over my life.
Or whatever story you create.
Please don't do this anymore.
I'm not saying not to strive for a clean, tidy home, m'friend.
I'm just saying to do a check-in with yourself to make sure you don't tie your worth to the state of your home.
Because...
Things come together... and they fall apart.
They come together again... and they fall apart again.
This is life.
Here's my wish for you....
Try these three things as you begin to wrestle with this:
1) Separate fact from fiction. When you see the laundry, sift out the fact: i.e. There are 2 loads of laundry on the floor.
2) Notice the "fiction" or the story you spin about yourself because of it: I'm so behind. I can't keep it together. I have to do everything myself. I'm a bad mom/wife/woman.
3) Decide if you like the beliefs, expectations, and judgement (aka fiction) you are putting on yourself. And if you don't, you can change that starting right now.
I'd love to know how this resonates...
